Five Inappropriate Songs I Actually Heard the Ice Cream Truck Play This Summer

“Strangers in the Night”

“Strangers in the night exchanging glances / Wond’ring in the night / What were the chances we’d be sharing love / Before the night was through.” I suppose that this one might be slightly more appropriate if the ice cream truck came out at night. But there’s still the problem of to whom, exactly, this song is addressed. The kids?  The delicious frozen treats? “Hello, randomly blue-colored, raspberry-flavored snow cone that’s blue only because they already have every other color including red but needed a blue one and couldn’t find a naturally blue fruit that would work since blueberries are really sort of blackish purple and someone high up in the Ice Cream Truck Company really liked raspberries and didn’t care that there’s no such thing as a blue raspberry. Where have you been all my life?”

“O Come, All Ye Faithful”

Although, when you think about it, it may not be so inappropriate.

“Windmills of Your Mind”

In addition to being one of your more insidious earworms and just generally creepy, this song is inappropriate because the lyrics (such as they are) are about the passage of time and a failed relationship.  “Pictures hanging in a hallway / And a fragment of this song / Half remembered names and faces / But to whom do they belong / When you knew that it was over / Were you suddenly aware / That the autumn leaves were turning / To the color of her hair.” It’s like the ice cream truck is taunting you. “That’s right, kiddies, eat your ice cream now, because soon you’ll grow up and get married and have children and a mortgage and a job you hate, and after you’ve watched all of your dreams die one by one, you’ll die, too!  Muahahahaha!”

“We Wish You a Merry Christmas”

The inexplicable thing is that someone has to make the recordings of the songs that the ice cream truck plays.  Why would they make Christmas songs?  It’s never appropriate for the ice cream truck to play Christmas songs because the ice cream truck only comes out in, you know, summer, and Christmas is in, you know, winter. Unless you’re in Australia, which I’m not. Maybe the Ice Cream Truck Music Company mixed up the shipments. Do they have ice cream trucks in Australia?  They probably don’t call them ice cream trucks, though. Maybe ice cream lorries.

The theme from Love Story

What can you say about a twenty-five year old girl who died? Apparently, the answer to that question is, “Ice cream!”

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