It’s Not “Sunny” California

I know it’s the Christmas season and all, but my thoughts today for some reason have been about summer, in particular, this summer, which I feel I have been cheated out of.

Today is overcast, cold, and rainy.  It’s one of those days that the weatherpersons on the news here call “rare.”  These weatherpersons have an odd definition of “rare.”

You see, all of those television shows and movies that show beautiful sunny beach scenes with clear blue skies and sparking water and Frankie and Annette frolicking and showing off their perfect tans, maybe playing some beach volleyball or rollerblading?  They’re not real.

Southern California is prone to this little weather phenomenon called a marine layer. Now, while I’m not familiar with the technical aspects, I do know that most days, the beach is socked in with fog so thick you’d expect Sherlock Holmes to wander out and proclaim, “Elementary, my dear Watson. The surfer was actually killed by a shark masquerading as a dolphin.”

For the past several years, the marine layer has occurred every day during the months of May and June.  It actually has special names during those months: “May Gray” and “June Gloom.” Where I grew up, May and June were summer months.  Not here.  Here, it’s all about the hoodies and gloves, because as you would expect, the lack of life-giving sun means that the temperature is about the same as a good day along the shores of Loch Ness.

The problem is that the marine layer is not limited to the months of May and June.  It creeps into July and August as well.  Generally, you need a blanket in order not to shiver while you’re watching the fireworks on the Fourth of July.

But that’s not the worst of it. When the temperature in the summer does hit 80 degrees, meaning that it’s actually pleasant to be outside, people have the audacity to complain. “It’s so hot,” they say. “I like it when it’s cooler.” String a couple of 80-degree days together, and the local weatherpersons go apoplectic and proclaim a “heat wave,” complete with dramatic music and graphics.

Pansies. Go spend a summer in the South with 105-degree days and 98% humidity, then we’ll talk, ‘kay?

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