In light of the success of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series of books and Charlaine Harris’ Southern Vampire Mysteries series, which have been adapted to film and television, respectively, I feel the need to make this important public service announcement. These are works of fiction. Their portrayal of vampires as good or at least morally conflicted is inaccurate. There is no such thing as a good vampire. Vampires do not have morals. If you encounter a vampire this Halloween, please remember that, no matter how charming or devastatingly good-looking it is, it is evil and should be destroyed. There are no exceptions. Thank you. That is all.