Further empirical proof writers do not think like normal people. The following are actual excerpts (more or less) from conversations among my writer friends. Yeah, I know.
***
“I used a wooden pencil in a story I wrote to stake a vampire.”
“Did it work?”
***
“Lately I’ve been doing a lot of research on hobos.”
***
“I made the mistake of reading The Strain right before trying to go to sleep. When the ice maker made a noise in the kitchen, I freaked out. So I jumped up and grabbed the Samurai sword next to the bed.”
***
“Sometimes I think I’d like a monkey tail.”
“Like, in a jar?”
“No, on my body. Then I could pick up things with it.”
“Oh, ’cause I could get you one in a jar by 3 p.m.”